kinda lost

September 05, 2019

These past few weeks have been very challenging, to be honest. Feels like I've been holding my breath for months. Up until now, I don't think that I breathe okay. But at least, I'm not depressed. Last week I did ASK ME QUESTIONS on Instagram. There was this one question that got me taken aback. 

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?"

It took me quite a while honestly. But I answered it nonetheless. I said in 10 years, I'd be 32 right. So probably got a stable job and constantly on the move to feel alive. Nothing about marriage *rolls eyes* or kids. I am Asian so if you're still single and a woman in her 30s, something is prolly wrong with you haha. Anyways, I was glad that nobody replied to my response because the last thing I wanted was to have someone asking me about that. Truth is, I don't believe in marriage. I used to though. But, it is not like I am anti-marriage or something. Some of my friends have gotten engaged and I am happy for them. But I figured, it is not for me. I don't NEED to get married to be happy. Even if you marry the love of your life, there's no guarantee that you'll be happy right.

Few days after that, I posted a story. I was at a restaurant. It was just me recording my face full of annoyance because of this kid cus she kept screaming and shouting yet her parents did not do shit. and I wrote; KIDS SUCK.

A friend replied, "Hahahaha you have to accept it coz soon you're gonna push one out" and I just replied, "I'm tired of you and this doesn't apply to mi vida" and frankly, I was pretty tired of hearing that joke. It irked me. Bad. So if you happen to read this dear Mus, please stop. It's annoying, really.


Now, when I think about certain things. I realised that I don't see the world like I used to. My perspectives have changed. That, I know is growth. But, damn. Who would have thought this is life?! Losing faith, having faith in certain stuff. Does anyone actually like their adulthood? 

I personally do not like mine. But maybe in the future, I would grow to fully embrace it. and love it. 

What I know now is I do not know what to do con mi vida. I am supposed to further my studies this month but I had a change of plans (can't disclose why) which means I am postponing my studies for another year. My suppose gap year of 1 year has turned to 2 years now. And it is why I am feeling this. I do not know what to do now. I mean like do I work? Do I study? Do I travel? Do I just stay at home and do nothing? I lost mi mierda again. But, I'll figure it out.

Oh God, I miss writing so bad. Until then, thank you for reading and wish me luck mmkay?

Mucho gracias.

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